The day has been long and exhausting. My head is pounding because
it seems like you never get used to the volume of middle school. They were wild
today! They said I look like Katy Perry. Even kids I’d never met before stopped
at the door to wave and say hello to “Katy Perry.” I’m
forty-three so I’m not sure whether to be happy or horrified. Comes with the territory. After five years as a
substitute in four school districts I’ve seen a lot. Can’t ever say you’ve seen it all, because
someone will do something that will make you have to eat those words. Especially when you’re dealing with kids.
My only regret is not taking
the time to write all the notable moments down.
Like, the time I had five-year-olds doing “Head and Shoulders, Knees and
Toes” with me, in German, and without warning the one right next to me puked
all over. Ever try to evacuate
twenty-three, five and six-year-olds on the double? It’s kinda like herding cats!
Then there was the day (one
and only day) I was begged to sub for a Kindergarten teacher, even though I
vehemently denied I was qualified to do it.
She pleaded with me to go, so I agreed.
It wasn’t long before I had a Principal so mad she had tears streaming
down her face as she tried to bring the mayhem to order, five kids in the
office writing apology letters, and one girl so upset that she too, was in the
office… poised over a wastepaper basket sobbing, “My Mom’s gonna kill me!” My crime?
Not being able to keep one boy from turning the lights on and off on
other kindergarteners using the class bathroom, while three waiting in line
start doing the pee-pee dance, or catching the the one in the craft area
chasing other kids with scissors, or catch the girls I gave permission to use
the bathroom across the hall, who then snuck to the other side of the school
(to use the potty there) while I was wrestling Larry, Moe, and Curly playing
monkey-in-the-middle on the shortest kid in class! Needless to say, I am not asked to sub
Kindergarten classes anymore…
However, my favorite group is
high school, with middle school coming in a very close second. Like me, most teachers don’t even know they
like middle school until they’ve taught a few classes of them. Then we’re hooked.
When I was still in college,
I remember attending the various classes required to obtain a teaching
license. These are the classes that help
us understand the physiological and psychological make-up of each age group,
behavioral modification techniques, how to incorporate reading in each subject
area, and ways to integrate technology into our lessons. We usually introduced ourselves to each other
at the beginning of each new course by announcing our intentions as professionals in the world of Education. There were aspiring art teachers, lots of
Elementary Ed wannabe’s, and a few guys who wanted to teach high school
history. What I never heard anyone say
is that they couldn’t wait to teach middle school. No one said,”Aren’t they just an adorable age
group?” or “I just love the emotional roller coaster rides of 7th and 8th-graders!” The
only thing I could assure them was that I wanted to teach German, and had no
desire to teach students who aren’t old enough to when they have to throw
up!
During one of the other
classes required for certification, I watched a presentation given by a fellow
student, outlining the overall hiring trends for the Department of Education in
our State. Almost dead last (just above
Latin) was the need for German teachers.
If you wanted to be a Math or Science teacher, the chances were pretty
high you would be scooped up and offered a contract before even having a chance
to complete student teaching! Sigh…
What that meant for me is
that I would be subbing for longer than I had hoped. I didn’t mind the idea of it, because I was
really nervous about having a classroom to run of my own, but I was looking
forward to having my own kids nonetheless.
Substitute teaching would mean I’d have a bird’s-eye view of how lesson
plans looked, could practice some classroom management techniques, and maybe
develop a following of students who would one day want to take German because
of all the cool things I’d be able to show them. I know, just like a newlywed, I was a tad bit
idealistic. But I had to give myself a
pep-talk about subbing because I am the daughter of a teacher who subbed for
eons! I’m not an idiot. I remember the early mornings, last-minute
calls to God-knows-where, and the stories Mom would come home and tell us about
the day.
I just knew I had to make the
best of it, and hoped that the wait wouldn’t be as long as the trends were
forecasting. It’s been five years now,
and while I prepare to make a break from teaching in the classroom, I still
want to make sure I make the most out of every day I have with kids. I have thoroughly enjoyed the experience and
am supremely thankful for the knowledge I’ve obtained over the last few years,
but I am ready to take the opportunity to reach more kids through
speaking. Like I said above, my only regret is not
keeping better records of noteworthy events during my time as a sub, something
I’d like to rectify by telling you more about the day I started this piece
with.
The kids were wild that day. My very
first class of the day initiated the
momentum for the rest of the day. A girl
with sharp hearing caught me slurring one of my vowels, and asked where I was
from. Then, a couple of other volleys
came in from the outfield, and I answered them all. But before I could start in on the lesson at
hand, one of the answers I had given struck a funny-bone with this crowd, and
they let out a roar of laughter that made me fear the teachers in the adjoining classrooms were going to hate me. Like trying to coax Jeannie back into her
bottle, I tried to quiet the laughter and regain some control over the
class. To no avail. No matter what I said, they thought it was
hilarious. I was stupefied. I had no idea what I said that was so
funny, and I had no idea how to make it
stop…so I punted. I bargained with them
to allow me to give them the lesson for the day, assign the homework, and then
I promised I would answer any more questions they had. Once they agreed I ran with it, and managed
to make it through the class period without anymore outbursts. Whew!
Unfortunately, word gets
around. Every class after that expected
the same as the first class had gotten.
By the end of the day I was sure that the other teachers around me were
going to make sure I was never allowed in the building again, and if I was
lucky enough to escape their wrath, if feared my reputation would precede me,
preventing me from ever living it down.
Just before the last bell of
the day was due to ring, I had a moment to reflect on the day’s events. Just as I was berating myself for not
starting off on a better foot, a sweet girl from the first class of the day came
in and delivered the card below.
Oh no! Right there in living color! Evidence that I had indeed lost all control
of the classroom! “The only way they
would say I was cool, is because they had fun, and they had fun because I
didn’t do my job,” I worried.
Since then I’ve read the card over and
over. Actually, it’s up on my fridge. Every time I look at it I re-evaluate how I
will use each day. They have allowed me
back in the building, and the kids still talk about me as the “funny sub.” Now
the question remains… did the kids give me my award because I’m a poor
substitute for the teacher I covered, or do I revel in knowing that kids think I’m cool, and hope
they learned more than Math that day?
